I wouldn’t be surprised if someday
“I wouldn’t be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn’t a person, because it would be too small. But there’s a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy—something like that.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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“Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
“If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
“If doctors ever tell you that you’ve ‘flipped out,’ don’t believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me ‘the Man’ is behind this.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because
“I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
If you ever drop your keys into
“If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.” Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
